A truly magical competition

It’s that time of year again when the worlds of magic and football unite in a flurry of wizard hats and pint glasses. Think Gryffindor v Accrington Stanley in a match of Foot Quidditch… Footditch? Quidfoot? Whatever, you get the point. It’s impossible to watch an interview with a player/manager/pundit without someone mentioning the magic of the FA cup. If there was ever to be any evidence of said magic, this weekend was probably it. Some pundit mentioned the magic of the League cup last week. What a clown, like the League cup has any magic. They’ll be telling us it’s the magic of the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy next. Rubbish.

This weekend saw several Premier League teams being forcibly removed from the only true magical competition against their will. Villa, who could certainly do with some magic or access to Lance Armstrong’s medicine cabinet, were beaten on Friday night by Millwall. Norwich were beaten by non-league Luton, which apparently was the first time in 24 years that a non-league team had knocked out a Premier League team. Magical. Chelsea struggled against Brentford and drew 2-2, although they will most like apply a solid dicking back at the Bridge. A magical dicking, no less. My beloved Spurs were beaten by Neil Warnock’s Championship Leeds and Liverpool were beaten by League One Oldham. Having watched all the games, it’s probably worth noting that the results were fair for the most part.

As far as our game goes, preparation wasn’t ideal. My brother, on a cool beverage mission, managed to toe-punt an empty Corona bottle into the road which turned to extremely loud, shiny dust on impact resulting in multiple dirty looks from the suddenly alerted neigbours. For the match itself, I won’t complain about the timewasting, or the consistently shit refereeing, it was clear from the beginning that we just weren’t up for it. To have 2 of your back 4 completely taken out by a long ball that just bounces over them is a sign of players who aren’t switched on. This was possibly the worst I’ve seen Caulker and Vertonghen play together. Both goals came from balls over the top that weren’t dealt with, which at our level should be a piece of cake. Perhaps a sponge cake of some sort, or maybe carrot.

I suppose it was helpful in a way that it highlighted players who need to do more. I’m growing increasingly concerned with Ekotto and his methods. People seemed to be raving about him against Utd the other week, but I watched the match in its entirety again a few days after and he had a shocker. My initial impression after the match was that he had been cack, but I needed confirmation. He gave the ball away with poor passing and poor decision making the vast majority of the time that he was on the ball. Positionally he was also caught out repeatedly as he would burst out of position at the wrong time, get caught and end up jogging back. I can’t imagine that this has gone unnoticed with AVB and you would hope that he is now thinking about replacing him. His ball usage against Leeds was equally poor. He would continually chuff it up the line despite no-one being there, or he would just hoof it aimlessly up the pitch. We’ve looked much more solid defensively with Naughton at LB and I would prefer that he played there next game.

Parker is another one that infuriates me. A lot of Spurs fans still don’t seem to notice that his use of the ball is, for want of better word, dogshit. He holds on to the ball for far too long, spinning in little circles, or he decides to charge himself into a cul-de-sac. Yes he will make some great last ditch tackles, and yes he gives his all for the cause, but its all for naught if he just gives the ball away constantly or destroys any momentum we have. He will take 6 touches and an extra 5/6 seconds where a first time pass and move could have been easily achieved. We’ve outgrown Parker and although he serves a purpose, it is clear (to me, at least) that he is now very much backup to Sandro, when both are fit and available. My brother has a phrase of sorts, which seems to emerge most often when watching Parker. If you’re going to lose the ball, at least do it quickly so we can get it back. Sadly no matter how loudly you shout it at your TV, they just don’t seem to get the message.

Similar things can be said about Friedel and his knack of holding on to the ball for an eternity. We’re now so used to Lloris sweeping up anything around the edge of the box quickly and distributing the ball immediately that Friedel looks like he is playing underwater. (See totally unrelated but excellent underwater fight scene below)

Top Secret – Underwater Bar Fight

I can have no real qualms with the result considering our performance. We didn’t play well, so we went out. That’s how it usually works. However, I feel it is necessary to raise a topic that I do not believe has been discussed. If we are going to be implementing restrictions in the name of financial fair play, it is only right that we also do the same for FA cup magic. These little teams are now using much more magic than their top flight counterparts and it is no longer fair. I demand justice.