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Transfer Deadline Day with Sky Sports News HQ!

Transfer deadline day always gives its fair share of entertainment that includes essentials such as 4 x 4’s, middle aged Sky Sports Correspondents, rumours failures and manic fans weaving at cameras as if they have never seen them before. The drama always turns to  major disappointmet but that’s no surprise when the media make so much fuss. The compulsive viewing of watching a flustered Harry Redknapp getting more and more animated whilst  looking shiftier and shiftier is great TV viewing. Zamora ? Crouch? Defoe? Townsend? Terrific, fantastic, super players- Harry during these interviews becomes an unusual mix of football  a football manager, chairman , agent and a second hand car salesman.  In fact his salesman skills are unrivalled as he does his best to sell whatever 4 x 4 he is leaning out of. There is always a Redknapp deal to be done , a player to be hyped up , a story to be continued .

Newly renamed Sky Sports New HQ , has made Transfer Deadline Day a British TV staple that surely eclipses Doctor Who, The Great British Bake Off or Strictly Come Dancing. Sky pundits add to the day long sports fest . Tony Gayle full on bull dog style of talking eloquent rubbish is amusing and always to the point. This point is always the same as far as Gayle is concerned, players have far too much money and have it far too easy. Inevitably this short answer usually leaves bemused presenters looking for additional questions whilst also trying to break the record for the amount of times someone can say of course in a row.  Once this farcical situation has passed and Ray Wiston has told us the latest bet in play transfer odds the show continues. Live from Liverpool’s training ground the reporter gamely announces that there is nothing to report. A brave move that usually brings a retired Liverpool striker off the bench to talk about Balotelli, once he has talked for two minutes the studio reappears . A yellow bar indicates that there has been dramatic developments in one of  the days stories: TOM CLEVERLEY WILL NOT BE JOINING EVERTON it pledges.  Gasps, groans and shrieks are heard  all around the country. Next to come on screen is Jamie Carragher coming from a golfcourse from somewhere North of the M25.  Carragher who has a degree in stating the bleeding obvious says ‘it does’, ‘top quality’ and ‘it is a gamble’ thirty times during the course of short interview.  JERMAINE DEFOE WILL NOT BE JOINING QPR ACCORDING TO SKY SOURCES it is announced, with the vast majority of the audience knowing  that Harry Redknapp is the source.

Now in full swing the day takes a negative turn when Steve Bruce press conference focuses on the fact that he does not have the same quality as Chelsea.  Bruce being negative is nothing new to the seasoned Transfer Deadline Day addict and neither is Martinez being generous about the injured Ross Barkley. Giggs then appears next to Falcao , who says that he has always dreamed playing for Manchester United  seconds after agreeing to  a reported £265 grand a week contract. Giggs looks overwhelmed and people begin to  wonder ..Just where is LVG? LVG is in all likelihood preparing a dossier on chubby English players and why playing wing backs is a must. The attention of Sky Sports News HQ turns to Cobham and a smug, sneering and disinterested  Jose Mourinho. The subject is Petr Cech a true Blue according to Twitter.  Job done for the Chelsea as pictures of the Emirates come onto the screen. Names linked this year include Welbeck and a couple of obscure players that no one has ever heard off.  Wenger seems more French than usual , no mean feat.  Wenger is starting to sweat as someone from the Dutch second division joins on an eight year contract. It is another masterpiece in incompetence.

Then Jim White joins to talk Scottish. He confirms that  Crystal Palace are looking to appoint their eighth new manager of the season- this didn’t really happen  but the point remains valid. Jim White is on fine form it is  all going on now, the blonde presenter looks deeply uncomfortable at the lack of attention paid to her. The makeup lady  has done her job, next comes an update from Sunderland. It quickly becomes clear that nothing is happening and no one seems to care anyway. Jim White is now going completely mad , as he confirms Hernandez has signed on loan for Real Madrid- wow!  His Scottish counterpart Bryan Swanson then talks about absolutely nothing for ten minutes in a dull way as speculation begins to pick up.

Gary Neville comes into the studio looking furious. ‘ What is wrong?’  asks Jim White ‘We need a centre back not a striker’ he says reffering to the Falcao deal and then adds that he is a Manchester United fan. The masses tremble with excitement at the latest announcement. Neville is fuming as he begins to say ‘nonsense’ , ‘right look here’ and ‘I don’t understand that’. The period is ended by a hyped up Jim White who says ‘there we have it’. Next up Bobby Zamora- will he , he won’t he ? A question that has little relevance to football or any aspect of life. Sky Sports HQ need a headline as fast and they  have one Ronaldiniho is on his way to Basingstoke. What a coup for the Brazilian not for the town. The playmaker who is constantly on a diet and is now an OAP is joining a town not known for much.

The cameras go to reporters up and down the land as Sex dolls are waved in front of the cameras, boy this is getting exciting. It is now eight minutes to 11, the window has nearly passed and Jim White has had another red bull- his twelfth of the day. Reporters look increasingly fragile as they begin to worry about their next pay cheque but have no fear Sky Sports HQ is here to stay.

Time is up, the day is done and the transfers have finished but it is not long until January when it starts again. Sky Sports News HQ has brought transfer deadline day into the 21st century and now it is time for the football. Like the Great British Bake Off, this has become a British institution and Jim White,  do vote yes  in the Scottish independence vote…

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