Report Card #1. Roman Pavlyuchenko

OK, so this is a new idea and it could either sink or swim. I might start a topic in the forum and see wheter people want to see more or wheter I’m wasting my time. In the meantime comments at the bottom of the page would be much appreciated.

As for the article, seeing as it’s fast approaching 2009, I wanted to do a kind of ‘school report card type thing’ to compare all of our new, summer signings. I’ll keep adding new one’s when I can and will give the player an overall ‘grade’.

Cheers.

End of Year Report Card

by school master Sir H.Redknapp

FULL NAME: Roman Anatolevich Pavlyuchenko

DATE JOINED: 1st September

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: When Pavlyuchenko first joined the club, there were fears he had joined too late, and that his former club, a certain Russian place of education, had held onto him for too long. Indeed, he struggled in English Language Class and, for nearly a month, couldn’t speak the language. Yet he has knuckled down and practised and has quickly become one of the more popular members of the class.

STRENGHS: Pavlyuchenko has struck up a friendship with a certain D.Bent and the two have become excellent chums. They seem to learn from each other and have both helped each other’s goal tally’s and grades. Pavlyuchenko has also really boosted Bent’s confidence, as the poor young man was really struggling with the burden of being a lone striker before Pavlyuchenko arrived, as our former head-boy’s, Berbatov and Keane, both graduated last year.

WEAKNESSES: Berbatov and Keane left a big gap when they graduated last year, and there’s a big void for Bent and Pavlyuchenko to fill. They have done their best so far, Bent has struck 7 league goals and Pavlyuchenko 3 overall, but they really need to start hitting the net a bit more. There are no other students to help them really either, young Campbell is the only other possibility but he really could do with a bit more studying.

TARGETS: To simply hit the net a bit more. With a bit of luck and perseverance, I’m sure Pavlyuchenko will sucseed.

CONCERNS: I have only one, real concern with Pavlyuchenko. The fact that he has come out of the closet as a ‘red’. It is not an easy thing, being a Manchester United fan at White Hart Lane. We have already witnessed the bullying of Berbatov last year (which thus turned him into a withdrawn, sulky, socially-awkward young man), it would be a shame for Pavlyuchenko to follow the same road.

SUBJECT GRADES:

GOAL SCORING: B+ Pavlyuchenko has scored 3 goals in 11 games for Tottenham. Not bad with approx. 0.27 goals a game, but we really need Pavlyuchenko to get scoring a few more if we are to challenge the nearby boarding schools: Arsenal Girls Grammer and Chelsea Private.

TEAMWORK: A Pavlyuchenko has teamed up well with shy Bent and young Campbell, giving him an impressive grade.

EFFORT: B+ Pavlyuchenko keeps his head up, unlike our former, sulkier, lead man. He has also stayed relatively injury free.

ENGLISH LANGUAGE: C+ Pavlyuchenko has studied very hard in this subject, but he still needs to improve. Just read this newsletter from a few weeks back: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/leagues/premierleague/tottenham/3069515/Roman-Pavlyuchenko-falls-behind-on-his-English-language-homework-at-Spurs—Football.html

POPULARITY: B Opinion on Pavlyuchenko is split. Whilst some feel happy with his progress others feel like he must improve. However I feel he is doing well, hence the respectable grade.

OVERALL GRADE: B+

 Next time: GIOVANI!