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An Alternative Look At The Rest Of the Premier League Season

With this season looking like its petering out to a slow and inevitable conclusion lets take a look at what the rest of campaign holds for the clubs in the coming months:

March: Man Utd players and supporters start to fall asleep and bring pillows to games as the are coasting in the league. Tevez kicks up a fuss at City as he is convinced that he has been given odd socks and throws them at Mancini. Gareth Bale gets booked for diving in his own box and Benitez starts to come to home matches in full body armour.

Arsenal fans start to cheer up as they go on a fantastic winning run of one game, Fellani mistakenly headbutts David Moyes but he never felt it, while at Liverpool, Suraez is caught sharpening his studs and Odemwinge is caught trying to sneak out the toilet window at West Brom

Swansea have decided to finish there season and go home as they have won 10, drawn 10 and lost 10 and have a cup in the bag and a place in Europe. Everyone is still trying to remember i they have played Fulham or not. Stoke still look for there first goal of the season and Norwich are on coarse to get as many draws as they can.

There was ructions at Newcastle as an announcement is made that fans must were a shirt when it snows. Hundreds of West Ham fans are brought to hospital with eye injuries as the bubble machine at Upton Park is set to its highest setting by accident. Martin O Neill has destroyed all the grass on the touchline in one game with his pacing up and down. Southampton start to sell Spanish for dummies  books at St Marys

Aston Villa Fans Are now convinced they are going to win the league because they beat QPR, Wigan start their regular end of season push for a top four finish winning all their games in march, Reading haven’t noticed they still don’t have a manager, while at QPR, Harry Rednapp is calculating is severance cheque.

April: Several Man Utd fans have slipped into a coma but that is common enough so they continue with their season. Tevez realises that his socks were in fact the correct colour after reports link him with a summer move to Stoke City. Gareth Bale gets booked for diving in the tunnel before a game and Rafa Benitz has gone missing.

Arsenal fans are stunned when Gervinho doesn’t miss his chance from two yards. David Moyes throws the referee out over the stand when his team aren’t awarded a free kick. Opposition players at Anfeild wear shin pads on the backs of their legs and Odemwinge is tied to a chair during training.

Wigan and Milwall are told their FA Cup semi final is just a friendly and the cup is being given to the winners of the other Semi.

Swansea start pre-season training and nobody knows where Fulham are but most cant be bothered to look. Stoke have a record low of four passes in all their games in April. Norwich fans are just happy.

JJB shirt sales are an all time low in Newcastle and West Ham fans can only see half the game after last months incident. The touchline at The Stadium of Light is now two feet lower and Paella is being severed at Southampton.

Aston Villa Fans demand that literally everyone be sacked after they lose, while Wigan continue their push for Fourth winning all their games in April. Reading start their recruitment process and Harry begins to count his money.

May: Man Utd concede a goal but they don’t know who scored. Fulham are possible candidates.  Tevez frames his socks in hopes to avoid a transfer to Wolves. Garth Bale is booked for falling going up the steps on his way to receive his player of the year award, but the ref fails to notice it was Suarez who caught him with his studs. Rafa Bentitez turns up dead in the centre circle with a warning message but Abromavich doesn’t notice as he has picked up another billion from the coins the fans have thrown at John Terry.

Arsenal finish fourth somehow. David Moyes is furious and smashes up The Emirates with his bare hands. West Brom are on a man hunt for Odemwinge as he has somehow managed to escape.

Swansea complete their pre season training and already in the Quarter Finals of the Europa League. It was Stoke who scored their first goal of the season at Man Utd after fifteen minutes kicking everyone in the box. The FA just give Fulham fifty points for the season because they have also failed to notice them. Norwich fans are still happy.

The See Through shirt is an nstant success at Newcastle, keeping JJB and Newcastle in business and West Ham have found a way to bubble wrap bubbles. Several hundred tons of new clay is to be brought in to the Stadium of Light to fill in the trench that has now appeared. And Spanish is now Southampton’s first language.

Aston Villa avoid relegation and are confident they can push for the title next season. Wigan win the Premier League when they win all their games in May. Reading finally start to do interviews for the managers position as they are worried about relegation now and at QPR, Harry finishes counting his money just in time to see Joey Barton make an amazing come back at Loftus Road only to get sent of for kicking absolutely everyone.

You never know what may happen Football is a soap that nobody can write.

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